Little Francine watched her father take a shower. She noticed his

testicles and asked him what they were. "Those are my apples," he

replied.

Later the little girl told her mother what Daddy had said. Her

mother smirked, "Did Daddy tell you about the dead limb they're

hanging on?"

The mortician was laying out the body of a man with an unbelievably

long penis. He called in his receptionists to show her. She took one

look and said, "That's just like my Harry's."

"You mean he's got one that long?" the mortician asked.

"No," she replied. "That dead."

One morning a milkman called on one of his regular customers and

was surprised to see a white bedsheet with a hole in the middle

hanging up in her living room. The housewife explained that she'd had

a party the night before in which the company played "Who's Whose" -

each of the men had put their equipment through the hole and the women

tried to guess their identity.

"Gee, that sounds like fun," said the milkman. "Sure wish I'd been

there."

"You should have been," said the housewife. "Your name came up

three times."

A man with a two-inch prick walked into a whorehouse and dropped

his pants in front of one of the girls.

"Just who do you think you're going to please with that little

thing?" she sneered.

"Me," the man replied.

Good ol' Gomer who's been living on the farm all his life, turned

21. He knew absolutely nothing about women or sex, so as a birthday

present, his dad gave him $50 and told him to go into town and buy

himself a hooker for the evening. "She'll teach ya a thang or two,"

said his dad.

Gomer went to town that night and met a "lady of the evening" in

front of a bar, offered her the $50, and they both went back to her

place. But when they arrived, she sadly informed Gomer that he'd have

to settle for a blow job since she was having her period.

"What's a period," asked Gomer. "Well I'll show you, son," and she

removed her dress and panties, then pulled back her sanitary napkin.

"See, I'm bleeding right now..."

"Well no wonder yer bleedin'," interrupted Gomer, "sombody dun cut

yer cock off!"

A little girl walked into the bathroom, saw her father in the

shower, and ran to her mother screaming, "Mommy, Mommy! Daddy has a

big ugly worm hanging between his legs."

"That isn't a worm, sweetheart," said her mother reassuringly.

"That's part of your daddy's body and a very important part. If your

daddy didn't have one of those, you wouldn't be here... And come to

think of it... neither would I."

Why is a fire engine red?

If somebody pulled your hose all day, you'd be red too!

Concerned about his failing manhood, a farmer went to the local

doctor for help. The doctor gave him a small container of pills and

told him to take no more than one a day.

Back home, the farmer thought he'd try the medication on his stud

horse first. The horse swallowed the pill, jumped out of his stall,

kicked a side of the barn over, and ran off down the road.

"Those pills are too strong for me," the farmer thought, and pour

the rest into his well.

Later, when the doctor came to check on him, the farmer told how he

had disposed of the medication.

"Heavens!" exclaimed the doctor. "You haven't drunk any of the well

water, have you?"

"No," said the farmer. "We can't get the pump handle down."